When is Right Action Simply No Action

Counseling journal 6-16-2015

Guess what! I learned i do not have to try and fix everyone else!

Now if i can just keep working on fixing me.

Accepting and having compassion for someones situation or problems in the world is not the same as complacency, but sometimes right action is actually to take no action.

What actually helps, and what simply enables?

“Who am i to stand in the way of you learning your lessons in life”

When David Reel said that to me long ago i felt hurt. Now i recognize it for what it was, he was not talking on my problems or fixing me, he was allowing me to learn to overcome and become more independent and strong.

Ask myself, is my heart open or closed? Am i feeling true compassion or just avoiding that which makes me uncomfortable, or a blend of both?

Enabling others often or always is selfish and or narcissistic at the core.

Either 1). You dont want to feel the emotions of not enabling such as guilt or not being “enough”,

Or 2). Wanting to avoid conflict because it makes me uncomfortable

Today, thinking about someone I have known for years who is homeless and suffering from voices in his head, i wanted to help him somehow. I sat and talked with him for awhile, but stopped myself from offering him to come sleep in our yard instead of on the sidewalk. Up came a realization that thinking about helping this disconnected man led to fear of getting involved, knowing it would lead to stress for myself and sis. History gave me a feeling of mistrust, and knowing in advance that situation would overwhelm me.

And it could be dangerous.

Sometimes it can be so difficult to know what right action to take.

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Integrity and compassion

We have become a nation of too many laws and not enough common sense and consideration. Common sense isn’t very common anymore. Laws only work if people are willing to work within those laws. I know I am way too idealistic for many people, and too practical for others, but if we as humans would only strive to find more common ground and take time to see both sides of stories, have compassion and actually help each other instead of pulling each other back down like crabs in a big pot, we and the planet could all be better off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Analyzing Calm and Stressful Moments in my Life.

Calming moments and stressful moments. This was written during a period of time I was in a cognitive behavior therapy group. It’s a good reminder for me so maybe it might help others.

CALMING MOMENTS

1. Watching tree branches, leaves or needles, dance in the breeze. I could watch for long time

2. Stand outside with my face in the wind, watching clouds tumble

3. Watching a baby laugh. Better still, laughing WITH a baby

4. Wandering with my camera amidst beauty and no timeline to think of

5. Coloring a mandala. Once upon a time I even drew several mandalas of my own

6. Peaceful music, meditative

7. Realizing how simple it actually was to fix the washing machine leak. Melicio helped change the hoses.

8. listening to an elder tell stories

9. peaceful melodic music, flute, piano, nature sounds,

10. Dancing in the rain

11. Smelling the air The first time it rains after a dry spell. Petrichor… that smell actually has a name of its own.

DISRUPTIVE MOMENTS, STRESSFUL

1. Can’t find something (I spend a lot of time looking for things, a LOT)

2. Someone’s response seems irrational to me, this was a big problem with past dysfunctional relationships.

Often it would trigger a fight or flight reflex, but neither option was viable so instead i would start shaking, internalize, meltdown and go catatonic. Often takes a day or two to recover if that happens, and i become emotionally numb.

3. Thinking about finances. At all.

4. Looking at the mess in our yard

5. Looking at the piles in the house and in my bedroom and in the garage. And in the carport.

Not knowing how to deal with something like the washer leaking, so many weeks of changing wet towels.. And then actually fixing it took about 10 min to move the stuff away from washer, another 10 mopping up and pulling back linoleum and setting the heater in there overnight. Replacing hoses, maybe 5 minutes. So much stress from avoiding something so easy if i could have gotten my mind to work.

6. even thinking about where to start with bookwork

7. making decisions, choices. Sometimes I miss out on a good day I could be doing a drive about in nature because I cannot decide which way to go.

8.

Peeking into the mouth of the Dragon

🌈❤️🙏Journaling from 5/2/2017. Powerful therapy session that day.

After a couple years with ADHD and depression as first diagnoses that started me on rounds of varying meds and intensive therapy work, it now seems possible it is not ADHD after all but possibly ( 😜) just BiPolar, and or PTSD. I have been working really really hard this last year (with a lot of good but painful results) digging into my psyche with help and finding the stuck, hurt and malfunctional pockets that are keeping me from fully living life. Sometimes it is so hard!! But it is helping… i can tell.

I am like a young child so much of the time, really not understanding so many hurtful things people can do or say, ofter without even thinking. I have done the same thing to others on occasion without meaning to. Why are we so quick to over react too often and throw out hurtful words, or cynical judgemental words? We were taught to Love one another, to love thy neighbor as thyself… is it a lack of self love that makes us lash out?

At the same time I am an old soul full of wisdom and compassion. That part is harder for me to accept.

I challenge you to list at least 2 qualities about yourself that you find to be good. Then think of 2 good qualities about someone you fear or despise. I am not saying you have to like them now… some things we need to stay away from for our own sanity and good health. Just surround them with light and picture the good in them (and in ourselves) growing stronger.

None of us deserve to be abused by others, either with words or physical harm. We also should not be abusing others.

Stop and breathe deeply a few times before reacting, in person or on facebook, and ask yourself if what you feel like saying back to someone is hurtful or helpful. Ask yourself what energy (back to you or others) will it invite in return. Will it cause an escalation of hate or bring about better understanding?

Try hard to take a moment in such situations and make a decision to Act rather than just React. Try to look at things from different points of view. Are you really understanding what they meant by the words they chose to speak? Ask for clarification. Perhaps agree to disagree agreeable rather than simply hating them for having a different point of view.

So many feeling and thoughts swirling around inside me right now… i peeked into the dragon’s mouth today and became so agitated and scared and yet with help I was able to breath through another layer. I even found a new “green cave” under a tree to sit in and ponder while the world goes on by around me.

Next week, back for more, another layer of discovery and hopefully healing. I feel so blessed getting to work with my current therapist, although the style would not work for everyone. One has to be ready to tackle the dragon and hopefully overcome. One has to be willing to do the emotional work inolved; willing to open the door to the trauma from the past in order to find healing in the heart and soul; willing to work with energy fields to find the pain trapped in the cells of the body amd release it into the light.

I am finally willing, mostly at least, but also trepidatious. However I am even more afraid of staying stuck in the trauma from past, and wanting fiercely to move into a present that recognizes all my past pain, blesses it and lets it go. I want to move into a future unencumbered by the fears; a future better able to help others because I have helped and recharged myself.

By now if you made it this far you might be wondering why i share this with so many… i do it for the ones who also struggle… those who need encouragement that it is possible to work through the burdens that weigh us down and hold us back. I do it for those who speak thoughtlessly and hurt others, to ask them to look into themselves to find the old pain they carry that causes them to lash out, and work first on themselves before criticizing others. I do this because perhaps this is one of my own spiritual gifts, to be a catalyst as well as an empath and artist.

Oh, and since I wrote the above journaling entry, I worked intensely on PTSD issues going way back to childhood. Now it’s much more clear that the underlying condition is ADD.